Curiosity ~ Lucidity ~ Humanity
A list found under a newspaper at closing time in the coffee shop:
Things he forgot:
Xanax in bathroom cabinet.
Row of ties-behind the door in our shared bedroom.
Ceramic mug his niece made in the kitchen cupboard.
Dr. Phil books (28 including workbooks!) Not accidental.
Milo’s hair covered dog bed that stinks of pee. Also not accidental.
To unfriend me on Facebook.
Things he took:
Milo.
Big baggie of pot in the nightstand next to our bed.
Jogging shoes always by the front door.
My Bruce Springsteen CD’s.
Stupid melamine cereal bowl with Bert and Ernie on it. (He actually took it out of the dishwasher!).
Red scarf I knit him.
All seasons of LOST on DVD that belonged to both.
Things to Remember:
He liked whistling and bergamot tea and doing the crossword puzzle in pen and he always spoke with reverence about his mother.
He wrote phone messages on his hands and held his hand in front of my face for me to read them.
His hands always smelled like walnuts.
Jogging with Milo even on the coldest days and how his eyes would tear up from the cold.
Gary Larsen cartoons taped to the refrigerator.
Read Jane Austen aloud!
Things to Forget:
Red things: bleeding, spilled wine, ink on the page, flushed cheeks
Noises that always caught me off guard: metal on metal, snooze alarms set to Rush Limbaugh, electric toothbrush, the sound of his own eating and drinking which seemed to echo far beyond the reach of his mouth.
The time he ate a hot chili pepper and kissed me hard-- touching the inside of my mouth with fire.
Long stretches of time weighted down with uncertainty.
The red head I saw him talking to at Starbucks.
Spitting. Bad breath. Pants on the Floor. (Always the fucking pants left in the middle of the floor with leg holes perfectly formed as if he was a fireman and would step right back in them.)
That red scarf. I see it everywhere and turn my head to follow small children and old men through crowds. Bobbing and weaving until they become tiny specks in the distance.
Bio-Fragment: "Here is a list of things I love: trains (One races behind my house at 3:00am and I consider it good luck for the day to come if i am awake to hear it.); cake (The moister the better); the full moon (My kids get mad at me when I howl at it.); a good poem; lilacs; Ross Gay; the crossword puzzle; black coffee; sitting in the dark in the early morning; reunions of old friends; Dancing Queen by ABBA and the beach."